I should be at the work ‘Christmas do’ tonight, I’m not. I’m in my pj’s in bed.
Up until recently I fully expected to go, but this week especially I have felt completely drained and completely shattered. We still have a week to go in school and I’m hanging on by a thread. I constantly feel on edge and under scrutiny at work and it’s beginning to get me down.
There’s a lot of pressure on targets/levels/assessment etc and although it’s understandable, it’s really getting stressful. We’re also in for an interesting new year with a change of Head Teacher so I’m expecting a serious shake up (the new HT seems extremely focussed and scary, she won’t take any shit!) I hate feeling as if I’m constantly not on top of things, and I have a never ending to-do list and just no time to do it. The children are still testing me to my limits, and the normal day-to-day job pressure is more than I’ve ever experienced.
Other than school, I’ve literally done nothing. I can’t remember the last time I properly went anywhere or did anything, I seem to eat, drink and sleep work. Not much fun! I really should have gone tonight, and I’ll regret it on Monday when I hear all the funny stories etc but my motivation is zeeeero. I ran out of meds about a week ago too and can’t get to the Docs to get a prescription in so that’s probably not helping matters. Eurgh.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so drained! Right, moan over.
It’s Christmas soon (woop!) but I’m not in the spirit yet, this time next week I will be :). Mum and I are heading down to London the day after I break up for a whirlwind trip, we’re only down there for 1 night but it’s tradition and I’m looking forward to afternoon tea and some shopping. I’m also ridiculous disorganised – I haven’t braved the shops at all so have nobodies presents and I really should have sent my friends by now if she was going to get it by Christmas but as I haven’t bought it, I can’t. I’m usually super organised but time has flown by and I can’t believe it’s only 10 days away!
Still loving being in the flat, it’s lovely and quiet and I actually don’t feel all that lonely – I think I like my own company more than I thought I did. I’ve been back to Mum and Dads for the obligatory Sunday Roast though, I’m not missing out on that!
Other than feeling the pressure at work, things are ok. I’m eating alright and as far as I know I’m maintaining if not gaining weight so I think things are fine on that front. This Christmas should hopefully be more peaceful than last 🙂
Very quick (boring) post just to update, I will hopefully have something interesting to say at some point…I hope…