It’s been a while since my last post, I apologise for that and for my lack of comments on other blogs.
I suppose everyone is already sick of hearing that we have a rare bit of snow in the UK so obviously, the whole country has gone mental – we really cannot cope with extremes of any sort. Our school asked children to be collected at 1pm yesterday because of it (although some of my class were still waiting to be collected at 2.15) and I left about 3.15 which was nice :). I haven’t been out in it though really, freeeeezing! Here’s the obligatory snow photo from my living room:
Quick recap of how the past month has been. Ok really! Christmas was great, NYE might as well not exist, and otherwise life is as uneventful as always (other than work) and I’m still plodding along. I read over some of my posts from last year this morning and I must admit I did smile a bit. I remember all too well the feelings of fatness/fullness/general recovery bleugh and I can honestly say it was all worth it. I wouldn’t have the job I do, I wouldn’t be living where I do, and I would be a hell of a lot colder in this weather if I were a few stone lighter! Haha.
That’s not to say I don’t sometimes feel uncomfortable with my new bod, because I do, but I know that’s just the disorder. I doubt many people would look at me and say/think the things I do about myself, I suppose those with eating disorders are often their own worst critics. I had an appointment with the Dietitian after work last week and we decided/she told me to up my breakfast and snacks a bit to keep in line with being on my feet at school. I have gained a bit of weight since my last appointment but could probably do with a little bit more. I’m “healthy” according to the BMI malarkey, but a little bit more weight wouldn’t do any harm. (Well, it would to my mind, but not to my body).
I still have a way to go with the socialising side of things. My friend came to visit just after New Year and we went out for a meal and some drinks, which turned into a full on night out and getting home just before 5am…yeah, I can’t do that every weekend it took me bloody ages to recover! BUT, I had an ace night and danced like a moron without a care (just like the good old days). I want more of those days. There’s still the self consiousness which holds me back though, and the doubting thoughts of whether I should even go out in the first place. It’s a collegues birthday party in a couple of weeks and although I’ve put my name down on the list to go (we’re getting a coach) – I already have my bail out plan all hatched. I hate how anti social I am. Even at work I don’t sit in the staff room, I eat my lunch in class while marking books. It’s not that people in work aren’t nice, they are, but I feel like an idiot who always says the wrong thing so would rather not say anything at all. They probably all think I’m a snotty cow.
There has been a change in management at school since we started back and there are BIG changes happening, hopefully for the better. Things will be getting even more stressful though because we’re really under scrutiny from the Local Education Authority at the moment so I need to keep on my toes. I therefore need to keep my self properly fed :).
I asked for a casserole dish for Christmas so I have started cooking a few bits and bobs to help my finances because ready meals are really bloomin’ expensive, and I really want to learn to cook properly. Perhaps when I’m off for half term I’ll have more time to practice. This school term is shorter than the last (thankfully!) so we now only have 4 weeks to go. I’m on countdown!
I have been keeping up with blog reading as best I can, but have missed more than I’d like so should just say a big HELLO to those bloggers and hope everyone is well xx