So, quite a bit has happened in the months since I last posted so will write a quick update. I like to look back over old posts occasionally to see how I was feeling at certain times, sometimes it’s nice to realise that progress has been made despite it not always seeming that way.
Starting with work. I got offered a permanent contract at the school I work at which I accepted, so I’ll be a Year 3 teacher next year. Huge relief to have that off my mind and to know that I don’t have to job search and stress about lack of money. This also means I can stay living at the flat as I’ll still have an income.
Our school had a visit by the scary school inspectors 2 weeks before the end of term – really not ideal timing. But – it went really well! I was observed twice and got graded good and outstanding which was a pleasant surprise. The inspector said it’s rare for a Newly Qualified Teacher to be graded outstanding so I was pretty damn proud of myself haha. I was nervous as hell but shouldn’t have been really, the inspectors were both really nice.
I said good bye to my first ‘proper’ class last week, it was a tough year and a very steep learning curve but I will kind of miss those little monsters! My class next year isn’t as tough, there are more of them but not as many external issues so I might be able to concentrate on actually teaching them rather than attempting crowd control.
Other news – my parents have sold ‘our’ house. I lived there for 26 years which is most of my life so it’s quite sad that I’ll not be going home anymore, I’ll be going to Mum & Dad’s new place. Weird. They have bought a flat by the sea which is something Mum has dreamed about forever, so I’m really glad they’ve finally decided (and been able) to do it. It all happened pretty quickly, they had bought a flat and put our house up for sale within 2 weeks, first people to view it bought it so they’ve been pretty lucky! Will be weird saying bye to that house, but a fresh start will be good for everyone.
Other news #2 – I’m still with the guy, and we’re heading off on holiday next week for 2 weeks in the Carribbean! Oh. My. I’ve never been anywhere like that before, not even been out of Europe so I’m unbelievably excited! We’re going all inclusive so I’ve got to try not to get stressed/overwhelmed by the food situation and just enjoy myself. Despite being convinced otherwise, I still haven’t regained the little bit of weight I lost after beginning my job so this will be the chance to. All those cocktails! Cannot WAIT! Things are going well with him, he’s moved to his sisters which is only 20 mins away so we can see more of each other now. He doesn’t know about the ED, and I would like to tell him eventually, but on the other hand I don’t want him to feel pressurised and like he has to tread on egg shells around me. I don’t want him to worry about doing/saying the wrong thing or be scared to offer certain foods – at the moment I like that I’m ‘normal’ with him. (Apart from diet talk, I still find that super tough listening to people talk about their holiday diets while I’m trying to push against that).
Other news #3 – I had an appointment with a CBT woman a couple of weeks ago, just to see what it’s like. She seems nice and said we can start to break some of those barriers I talked about so long ago, some have been dealt with but others haven’t and to be honest – I need a final kick up the arse to get this ED gone for good. It’s nowhere near as strong as it was, but there is still a niggle and I need to get it dealt with or I risk being semi-recovered forever. I have an appointment after my hols and will see what the plan is then, depending on how much weight I gain. I just find it hard to justify gaining weight when my BMI is healthy, even though I know it’s better for those with ED to push it higher to really drive it into remission. I know that, I just find it hard to accept it!