It’s food/recovery/work/life update time!
So, it’s the Easter holidays at last. Last term was very short but also a pretty difficult one. There is extra pressure from all sides for attainment to improve and with a lack of resources/staff/time, it’s just not possible. Since my contract is only for 1 year, I think it’s safe to say it will not be renewed because the children in my class have not made the expected progress. I honestly don’t know how much more I can do, I feel as if every minute is spent thinking about school, planning, assessing, making resources, more planning etc etc. There’s something which has been playing on my mind a lot, and that’s whether this teaching malarkey is really for me.
I love teaching, I really do. Being with the kids is brilliant and even though they’re a tough bunch to teach – they make me laugh and I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy the constant scrutiny, the petty disagreements (between children/parents/staff) and the ridiculous amount of paper work, the lack of work/life balance and so on. If, as I assume, my contract is not renewed at this school I have been thinking of taking a bit of time to travel or something because it’s something I have never really done. I don’t know if a job in a different school would even help, because the extra pressure would still be there regardless. I suppose it’s not worth worrying about until I’m actually told whether I have a job or not, then I’ll have to make a decision.
There is going to be another change in school next term too and I’m not sure how it’ll work out. Apparently, some random woman has been appointed to cover our planning time but when she’s not covering classes, she’ll be “team teaching” in my class. I’m not sure what team teaching is, but I can’t help but feel like a completely crap teacher because somebody has been bought in to basically teach me how to teach. Confidence levels were at an all time low even before I found that information out, now they’ve sunk even lower. 14 weeks of teaching to go. So the count down begins.
Work moan over.
In other news, I’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy these past few weeks and it seems to be going quite well! Actually, it was going well until I beat him in a game of pool and also bowling yesterday…I don’t think he expected me to be as competitive as I am haha. He’s offered to take me out for the day on Friday and then cook a Thai Red Curry for me in the evening, I’m not going to turn the offer of home made food as opposed to my usual microwave meal dinner! He lives about an hour away though which is a bit of a pain, so we’ve been meeting half way so far to make it easier but I’ll be seeing his place on Friday. I think I like him, but it’s weird. This probably won’t make any sense but I’m not sure if I do actually like him, or, I just want him to like me? I know that sounds weird, but I don’t want to blow it or I’ll feel like an idiot even though I’m not sure how much I like him (physically, not personality wise because he’s a nice bloke). Who knows if it’ll end up going anywhere, but at the moment it’s nice to have somebody to talk to other than 8/9 year old children!
Food seems to be fine lately, I’ve gained the bit back I’d lost last year I think (mensies are back woop woop!) and possibly a bit more because my jeans are snug. I have an appointment with the Dr next week so I’ll find out for sure. Food isn’t playing on my mind though, and he’s chosen the restaurants when we’ve eaten out so I haven’t been worried about choosing the one with ‘safe’ food or anything. Perhaps my mind is full of school stress that there’s no room for food stress too! I wouldn’t say my mind is totally ok, far from it, but I’m trying not to over think things and agonise over making decisions each snack/meal and it’s ok.
I hope to start posting more often because I do miss it, and I miss being able to read all your blogs too! This is where the work/life balance needs to be addressed.