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It is probably about time I posted something!

I have been rubbish on the blog front recently, both reading and writing and it’s basically because I’ve been busy.  I had forgotten what it felt like to actually have stuff to do, apart from nip to the supermarket.  Having spent a year doing absolutely jack shit, there aren’t enough hours in the day for the things I need to do now.

I met my new class about 3 weeks ago, they’re little terrors!  I have definitely got my work cut out with them.  There are a lot of Special Education Needs in my class so I need to work super hard to make sure they’re all ok.  It’s a smaller class than I’ve had previously, 25, but with the additional needs of the class I’m grateful there aren’t more of them.  A few of the children are in care, and there will be a lot of issues outside of school I’ll have to deal with so I’m preparing as best I can.

I have been into school every day for the past 2 weeks trying to sort out the classroom.  It was a complete MESS!  Crap absolutely everywhere, paper/pencils/chewed up sweets/rubbers/everybloodything you can think of basically.  I am still nowhere near done but it is closed from tomorrow until the last week of the holidays so I’ll do my lesson planning in those weeks.  I seriously underestimated how hard classroom displays are!  They took me FOREVER and there isn’t even any work up there yet, just the backing paper and title but it’s actually bloody hard work!

Truth be told, I’m petrified.  Way out of my depth and haven’t got a clue how to go about planning for so many subjects which I know little about.  I can’t speak a word of Spanish but have to teach it, and have never had any musical ability and will be having to teach that too.  Oh dear.  The assessment requirements are huge, and every second of the day I’m not planning lessons I will be assessing them and seeing how I can help the children achieve their targets, and there are a lot of targets.

Still not got a flat sorted yet either, I’m so indecisive and can’t decide which one to go for, there are big pros and cons to the three I’m considering and I don’t know which will win yet.  I’m hoping to move before Sept but it’s not looking likely unless I get a jiffy on.

As far as recovery goes, it’s ok.  Ish.  I was doing fine, still eating to gain up until last Wednesday when I had an appointment with the Dietitian. She said I can stop pigging now as I don’t need to gain any more weight and it’s fine to fluctuate “you can gain a few and lose a few” – I hate that.   I tuned into the ‘lose a few’ rather than fluctuate.  I haven’t cut my intake dramatically, a couple of hundred cals but the effect in my head is noticeable even if the weight doesn’t change.  First thing to reduce is lunch.  It’s always lunch.  I know when things slip when I skip it all together but things haven’t got that bad, just swapping crisps for fruit or something/nothing.  It’s a slippery slope though I know.

Thing is, even if I eat less I don’t seem to lose a great deal – if anything.  If I eat as much as I can/want – I gain a lot.  It’s not even a huge amount of food by normal recovery standards but I still gain.  There is no happy medium and I don’t know how to eat to satisfy my hunger but not make me balloon.

I began taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) about 3 weeks ago.  It hasn’t made any difference to be honest, and I haven’t noticed any bad side effects at all.   My mood was weirdly high in the week before I started taking it and I haven’t had a really down day since, so perhaps it is working.  I don’t know, I’m not convinced I need it to be honest.  I do feel generally more energetic though and my mood is lighter (I can’t remember the last time I had an argument!)  While I still doubt if I need it, I’m scared that if I stop taking it I will take a turn for the worse just as I start my job which is the last thing I need.  I will see the ED Doctor for probably the last time on Wednesday because I will be at school from then on and can’t leave a group of 8 year olds to mess about while I have a Psyc appointment!  It will be weird not going to the ED centre every couple of months and it’s a shame really because I only just really got to know the Psyc at my last appointment, but they are only there on Wednesdays during ‘office hours’ so looks like that’s the last of my contact with the ED team.  Weird.

So in summary – sorry I’ve been so shitty with comments/general reading and I hope I will still have time to both read and write blogs when I start my job.  A month tomorrow! Oh my.  So so so scared. Job = scary, food = ok, recovery = ok, life = scary, mood = good.  That’s the jist of it at the moment!