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What began lightheartedly, a humorous comment while getting dressed to go out for lunch and some shopping with Mum ended in being sat on the floor in the garden in the pissing rain, crying like a miserable mess and struggling to smoke my cigarette through the tears.

“Ha, isn’t it funny how my baggy/boyfriend jeans are now my absurdly skin tight jeans which won’t fasten!”


Hmm.  These jeans are designed to be baggy and roomy, now I can’t bend my legs.  I cannot possibly go out in public looking like this, and the new, bigger clothes I bought are all too small now as well.

Disgusting mess.

Lunch – cancelled.  Shopping – cancelled.  Dinner & drinks with a friend tomorrow – cancelled.

What didn’t start as a fear of weight, body image or fat has sure as hell turned into one.