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A few things have happened this week, and I’m in a bit of a dilemma.

Firstly, I found out I have a job interview next week at a school about 2 hours away from where I live now.  That’s not an issue at all, I’m happy to move for work, it’s more a feeling of uneasiness about this particular job.  It sounds a bit silly to say, but I’m not sure if I want to go to the interview or not because I don’t think I’d like the job.  Now obviously I’m probably just being ridiculous, I can’t possibly know how I’d fit in there, I may end up absolutely loving it but I have a funny feeling about it.  To go to the interview and not get it would be another major dent in my confidence which is already at an all time low, so I don’t know what to do.

Jobs are few and far between at the moment, and I desperately need one, so I would be shooting myself in the foot if I didn’t go for the interview.  I think it’s the fact it’s miles away, the cost of driving there, paying for a hotel, driving back having not been offered the job which is putting me off.

Then, my family approached the dreaded ‘anorexia’ subject with me.  They’ve noticed I’m struggling despite my best efforts to stay above water and eat everything that is put in front of me, they’re not stupid, they know everything isn’t as fine as I say it is.  I think the fact I’m not at such a low weight as I have been before is wearing thin now, I’m not as bad as I have been, but I’m not where I should be.

So I have made an appointment with a Doctor for next week.  It’s a locum Doctor who I’ve not seen before so might be a bit strange giving an overview of myself to a stranger.  I’m also not even sure what to say, I don’t know what I want.  Obviously I want to fully recover, that goes without saying, it’s just I don’t know what the Doctor can actually do, my contact with ‘professionals’ is very limited so I don’t know what to expect.  What are you meant to say?  How do you just say to someone ‘I need help…but I don’t know what’?

So that’s the week so far.  A bit to think about, and I really don’t know what I’m doing just yet! As much as I need and want a job, I don’t know whether it might be best to ‘sort myself out’ with regards to my eating before I settle down properly into a job so I can concentrate 100% on that.  Decisions decisions.

A lovely looking raspberry and choc cake to finish.  Yum.