Yesterday I shopped as if I’d married a millionaire or had a very highly paid job and therefore unlimited funds. Incidentally, neither of these are true as I am single, unemployed and therefore skint. Ok so in most people’s terms I didn’t actually spend that much money, but it’s very rare that I will take clothes into a changing room and come out still wanting to buy them and not rip them to shreds because they look ridiculous on me.
It’s the mirrors. Changing room mirrors are horrible. They either end up making me look flabby, saggy, lumpy and bumpy, or, some shops have those mirrors which make me cringe at the bony arms, visible ribs and pointy shoulders. So usually I can’t win, whichever ‘mirror’ they have I hate it. Too big or too small I hate them both. Now I’m not sure if this is just me being me, and creating a disordered body image, or whether shops genuinely do have strange mirrors.
But yesterday, I didn’t care. I need clothes for when I go on holiday, so even though I wasn’t keen on the way my legs looked in those shorts, my sensible brain said ‘they look fine’, so I got them, Similarly with the tops, my disordered brain picked out all the negative parts of the way I looked in them, the sensible side simply said ‘the tops look fine’. So I got them too. It was brilliant to leave the changing rooms with 6 items that I wanted to buy, and not hand them all back to the staff like I usually do (I was in Primark by the way, so 6 items would cost about £20 total!!)
This seems like a really pointless blog post, but to me it was important to argue with the side of my brain I hate, the side which tells me I look stupid. I just wish it didn’t have such a negative impact on my bank balance! I then left town at 12.30 even though I was on a roll and could have shopped for hours more, simply because I wanted to get home and have some lunch – if I’m out with family or friends we’d go somewhere nice for lunch then carry on the shopping, but as I was on my own, I duck out. I’m not averse to eating in cafes on my own that doesn’t bother me, it’s just if there’s an opportunity to be sneaky and let the anorexia slide its way back in it would do. I knew if I stayed in town I would skip lunch, so I went home and ate instead. At least it stopped me spending more money!
In other news, such a shame to hear about Amy Winehouse. It wasn’t a surprise, but it was a great shame and a real waste of talent. I have seen her live and she was fantastic, so sad to think we will never get the chance again.
Today’s treat is this yum chocolate cheesecake.